I wanna live in a land called paradise

It's the story of my life this song, it's the reason I keep living in this strange earth we have between the people I love and those I just can't understand....the tears the smiles the memories the love the hate the crimes and the fate..................

I won't cry over a world that can't change my life/I put my money on what lies ahead in paradise...I wanna live in a land called paradise/I wanna go to the valley of the King/ I wanna live in a land called paradise/wanna see the birds fly/and I wanna hear the angels sing....

It's funny how life works sometimes. How the most unexpected thing can happen and how your life turns around when you least expect it. Up and down everything turns and twists as I said in my last post. Sometimes the roller coaster of life goes so fast I lose my breath and sometimes it goes on this slow pace of anticipation of wondering what happns next. Perhaps the best part is when the roller coast is straight; when you know exactly what's going on....but you don't those ups and those downs happen at the most unexpected times throwing you of course and letting you fall as your car momentairly gets of the track but you have wings I've discovered! I have wings and that fall can turn into the best time of my life. It all happens for a reason I've discovered lately, one thing leads to another, one suprise after each other sometimes I'm ready to give up but you know that silver lining they say every cloud has? Well it's best seen when you're at the top of the roller coaster right after you've climbed back up and right before you fall back down you'll see it and perhaps even in touch. Enjoy it and grab at it, put it in your heart as you go down the roller coaster once more.....now who am I talking about me or you...or maybe its just life...another one of my thoughts coming in a mess as I try to make sense of it all.

New post....what a creative title I have :D

Everytime I sit on the computer I say I'll post something...a real post not one that just says Eid Mubarak or Ramadan Mubarak but I end up getting sidetracked going to do an asignment, checking facebook, chatting with a friend or typing a paragraph that does nothing but complain about how tired I am and how I feel as though I have no time and how I'm drowning. Just drowning....Oh gosh it seems this post is taking the same turn so how about I tell you about my Eid, yes I know I'm about two weeks late in doing so, but it's always better late than never isn't it :)

My Eid began like a normal Eid day. I went to prayer with my family to the jame3 (mosque) and had this feeling of happiness wash over me as I stood beside the women whispering "allahu akbar" and celebrating the beautiful day. Afterwards, I hugged a million women that I know and don't know saying Eid Mubarak, Kul 3am wintum b5air, bayramu mubarak olsan (turkish), or just happy Eid. It was so crowded there was barely any room to move, but after wishing everyone happy eid, I got in line to get some breakfast since it is our local tradition to have a sort of "potluck brunch" each Eid. Even in line I heard my name being called as friends who had come late saw me and came to wish me a happy as I attempted to trudge through the line and get some food, there was eggs and chick peas, rice and pastaries, bread, oh and my mom's delicous klaicha that....wait for it wait for it....I helped make =D We sat, we ate, and we socialized and then we went home. I came imediatly on the computer so I could wish some of my friends from over seas a "kul 3am wintum b5air." Throughout the rest of the day I heard loud allo's on the phone as my parents tried to call family in iraq and other places across the world. "here, talk to your grandma" "it's your 3amo, wish him a happy eid," or "halaw 5ala eid sa3eed, wallah ani ham mishta8atlich" were common throughout the day. In the evening we had some guests over and then I did some studying because sadly the next day was monday...school :(

Yup, you guessed it, day two of eid was spent in school and day three was spent the same exact way nonetheless the second day did feel like Eid because in the evening we were invited to someone's house for tea. It was quite fun as the women, all were arab but of various countries, exchanged stories of Eid and other things and we laughed and had tea and talked...it was Eid!

The best part of Eid came after the three days were over though :) We had a nice family Eid for a couple days when Little miss tiny hands came for a visit with her family. She is my little princess now as she smiles and giggle and interacts talking in a language that only she understands :D her two older siblings are so cute as they take on this responsibilty of a little sister and it's hard to imagine that I was once a 9 year old with a baby sibling just like the oldest is now! She's grown mashallah, and look I took a picture of our hands again just for you =D her hands though are only a small portion of this adoreable miracle sub7anallah!

You could say we had Eid all over again for my mom had made fasoolya and rice (dried beans-the traditional dish we have on the first day), we exchanged gifts and just "hung out" as a family. I played games with my cousins and forgot for a while about the life outside this wonderful safe haven of love. After lots of fun, laughter and a noisey house just the way I love it... they left...and school goes on...and life continues with it's ups and downs and smiles and frowns. The twists and turns continue to suprise me as everyday brings something new and unexpected. Life goes on but what a nice litte break Eid was :)

Eid sa3eed =)

Kul 3am wintum balf 5air inshallah!!! Eid mubarak li kul wa ayaam kum sa3eeda :)

Happy Eid everyone....

The begining and the end...an update on my life

I was so nervous I shook, so scared my laugh came out in a nervous squeak, yet at the same time a small part of me was excited...waiting to surface as soon as the fear was gone......

This week I began my last year of high school and at the same time my first class in college(I've been dually enrolled). I've had mixed feeling as I go to both my high school where I (along with my classmates) am at the very top of the school system, and to the university where I'm the younger then everyone in my class. I've been told time and time again that this year will go by very quickly and that I should enjoy it to the best of my ability despite the fact it will be difficult (fine...I'll try my best to have fun :) and I've also been told that college isn't really all that bad though it may also prove to be difficult...not may...is. Still with the advise from my mom (start with a bismillah) and from my best friend (just work hard but have fun)...I've begun! It's the begining of the end of the last chapter of one part of life but at the same time I've decided to sprinkle a little bit of the next chapter into this end in hopes the transition will be easier and to get a few classes out of the. I've kind of gotten used too the university now though I only have to go to and from one building so I suppose it's not that bad :) I was really scared at first but now it's getting better alhamdillah. The classes I'm taking at the high school are also difficult but some are really intresting. At the same time I've started complaining (I mean come on doing hw until bedtime on the 2nd day YUCK!) and wishing for summer again...some people have started the count down until graduation day :D I'm not that bad though inshallah I'm just going to try my best to have a good year and achieve high marks in my classes.

I've become a silent reader of late in the blogsphere, I get on to check the blogs around the iraqi blogsphere yet only once in a while do I comment....I also know that I didn't post much during the summer and for that I'm sorry...I was lazy =P but hey I was busy--some of the time anyways. All in all I had a nice summer boring at times but I talked with my friends alot on MSN (especially the ones who live in other countries) spent time with my family and friends, and things like that. Also Ramadan began so I went to the mosque once and we had people over for iftar another time. Other than that it's been another quiet Ramathan as I attempt to balance school with reading Quran, praying etc. Still it's been nice school or no school, this month just has a special feel to it the is undescribable. So yeah that sums up what I've been doing lately. Hope everyone else is doing good inshallah and enjoying there Ramathan :)

Noor el Qamar

Ramadan Kareem!!!

Tomorrow marks the first day of Ramadan for Muslims all over the world, a month that we train ourselves to be patient and give an extra effort to be closer to our Lord and hopefully make good habbits that will last us through the rest of the year. I pray that this Ramadan will bring peace in the world and may Allah ease the pain and suffering of those in Iraq, Palestine, and other countries accross the world. May we all come out of this month as better humans ya Rab. May this blessed month bring happiness and joy to your household and may we be of the ones granted paradise Inshallah.

رمضان كريم و كل عام وانتم بخير ان شاء الله

Happy Ramadan everyone :)

Sunset

Not the sunset I wittnessed but a beautiful sunset nonetheless.

I paced the yard with a smile on my face and memories flowing freely. The wind gently whispered it's secret songs and blew my hijab across my face. In my hands were pink flower petals and green leaves; unconciously I ripped them apart letting them fall to the ground as I continued going around in circles. The memories turned into daydreams and I felt a couple tears threaten to spill over as a small piece of my mind whispered, "Will that ever come true? Will I ever see them again?" I let a few tears fall as I thought about some of my dear friends, but the smile was never wiped off my face...it couldn't possibly disapear. Eventually, I ran out of petals and leaves to rip and sat down surrounded by an ocean of green. I rubbed my hands against the grass and felt the seprate blades tickle me. My fingers refused to stay still, so I reached over to pick up a thin stick and began peeling off the bark. Diligently, I rubbed the grayish material, and as the small pieces of my effort fell to the ground, the stick became thinner and brown. I kept working, but at the same time I looked up at the sky and I suddenly began feeling so insignificant: a small girl sitting there under the huge sky with her memeories, dreams, and a stick to keep her company. The sun began to set and though most of the sky was blue a small patch of purple clouds got in the way. Similar to events in life, the light was covered for a few minutes as the sun passed through the minituare sea of purple and then it appeared again. The sight was breathtaking. The sun was golden, fresh after it's disapearence, and many shades of pink surrounded it while gradually it continued its descent.....and then it disapeared complety from my sight. The golden ball left and lit the sky for someone else, another human somewhere in this world. Perhaps your that someone? Can you see it right now?

And then there's silence

The house is so quiet it's driving me crazy. There are no kids to laugh and play, there is no 5ala to talk to, and there is no Bebe to tell me stories of Iraq. They are gone, and I feel so depressed and lonely. It was one of the best summers I've ever had, theres only one summer I can think of that beats this one and it was also spent with my aunt and cousins only at there house in Canada. Everywhere I look I see the three girls running around....in the morning when I woke up today I started crying because there was no little S to give me my mornining hug. When I cried as they left my mom told me "il dinya dar itafree8" (the world is a house of seperations). I wish with all my heart that it wasn't true but in my 17 years on this earth it seems as though it is...goodbyes are part of life aren't they? Yes, one of the most difficult ones of all....

For now I think I'm going to go but later I'll share some pictures of places we went, conversations, and funny things the kids did.